So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
