Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
