Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
