Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
