when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
