I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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