dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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