It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
