Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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