New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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