It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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