onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
