I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
