My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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