I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
