Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
