My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They took my balls.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
