and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
