Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
