So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
