They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
