I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
