I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
