I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
