i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I deserve this hangover.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
