What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
