shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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