I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
nutella sex= disaster
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
