Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
