you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
