where am i from again
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
