hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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