He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
