god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
