Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
