I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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