well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
