What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
