My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
