I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
