what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
