so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
