I'm eating all of the evidence.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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