Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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