The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
