Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
