She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
