I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't put those talents on a resume
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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