I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
