No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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