My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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