your parents love me but you hate me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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