I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
