no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
