It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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