You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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