I hate all girls vehemently.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You are a genius and a whore.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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