Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
