it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
